Being a good person has its benefits, and the office is no exception. Not only does it help you build positive relationships with your colleagues (which in turn builds camaraderie and makes work more enjoyable), but being known as a kind and considerate colleague can do wonders for your professional reputation and build up your influence in the office. Plus, it just feels good to do good for others, which can be a real mood booster that can keep you motivated at work.
But the thing is: there’s nice, and then there’s being too nice. It’s understandable to want to be seen as a good person, but having a reputation for being ‘too nice’ can become your professional Achilles heel if left unchecked, hurting not just your career, but also potentially your relationships and well-being.
The drawbacks
As social creatures, seeking validation is an innate human tendency as a way of affirming one’s worth and identity. However, this desire to be liked can also become problematic, particularly if it means putting the needs and wants of others over your own, as a way of wanting to make others happy.
From hindering your personal growth to affecting your work relationships, here are a few pitfalls of being too nice at work:
1. Avoiding friction (at a cost)
While having a harmonious relationship with your colleagues should be a good thing, this isn’t the case if it’s born from being excessively agreeable in a bid to avoid conflict. This may mean sidestepping uncomfortable conversations or providing placating praise instead of giving feedback in order to make the other party happy.
However, if you never have any direct, real conversations about what is and isn’t working out, all you’re doing is setting yourself up for failure by hindering progress and allowing unresolved issues to fester until it’s too late. In addition, if you’re only known to give pleasantries and nothing else, people may begin to doubt your sincerity and lose trust with you, making them less likely to turn to you for important tasks.
2. Becoming a doormat
It’s one thing to be a supportive and helpful colleague willing to chip in where they can. But if you find yourself accepting any and every request that comes your way, regardless of your circumstances, you leave yourself open to be taken advantage of by others. As a result, you may find yourself with everyone else’s work piled on your desk without any consideration of your own workload.
This increased workload, in turn, can result in your work-life balance being thrown out of whack, as you may be forced to work overtime or even bring work home after hours to finish it all! Worse, some less-than-savoury colleagues may even deem it fine to take the credit afterwards; research for SEEK found that 47% of workers offer help to their colleagues even when they don’t have the time, don’t hold them accountable when they fail to deliver and take the fall for others’ mistakes, just to be ‘nice’.
3. Diminishing well-being
Being a people-pleaser can be emotionally draining. The stress of always needing to be agreeable and amiable can be taxing, combined with the additional workload you’re likely shouldering, can easily result in a one-way ticket to burnout and feelings of resentment.
Worse, by always resorting to what people want to hear rather than your own genuine thoughts, it can be easy to feel like you’re losing your sense of self, worsening your emotional stress and mental well-being.
Building assertiveness
1. Establish (and protect) your boundaries
There’s a fine line between being a helpful, supportive colleague and being labelled as a ‘people-pleaser’. This is why it’s crucial to not only set boundaries for yourself, but to protect them as well. Setting boundaries at work should be your first step; they help to create a healthier work environment for yourself, as well as establish expectations others have of you. For example, while you’re willing to proof-read a report from a colleague, you draw the line at editing parts of it on their behalf.
It’s up to you to determine what you can and can’t take on, as well as to ensure that others respect your boundaries.
2. Learn to say 'no'
This can feel hard to do, especially if you’re the helpful type and want to stand out to your managers. But as mentioned earlier, constantly agreeing to every request that’s asked of you will only result in rushed deadlines, unpolished work and burnout for yourself. After all, trying to cram more work onto an already-full plate can only end in disaster!
This is why it’s so important to know how to say no. Doing so doesn’t mean that you’re being a difficult colleague; on the contrary, being able to stand your ground is a sign of reliability and responsibility. This shows that you know your workload well, and can thus be trusted with a task if you commit to doing so.
3. Develop assertive communication
Being assertive means being able to clearly express your thoughts and opinions with confidence, but it’s also a trait that can be difficult to master, especially if you already find it hard to speak up.
However, the rewards for doing so are extremely rewarding. When done well (and at the right time), it helps you get your points across more effectively while still maintaining a professional and respectful stance. This way, you can still disagree with someone, whether by providing constructive criticism or veto-ing a proposed plan, without being disagreeable. Remember, it’s a key part of being a great communicator at work, so do your best to build up this skill.
There’s no doubt that a kind and cooperative colleague is always appreciated no matter the industry or job role. However, if you’re sacrificing your own wants, needs and desire for the happiness of others, you’ve likely slid into ‘too nice’ territory. Your job isn’t (and shouldn’t be) a popularity contest, so rather than putting in so much effort for the sake of being liked (which might not even be reciprocated, it’s much better to focus on yourself and your work instead.
Of course, that can be easier said than done, and old habits can be a pain to break. But don’t feel pressured to overhaul your attitude overnight; taking small steps like choosing to turn down requests or speaking a little more assertively will add up over time. As long as you’re able to strike a balance between being considerate and assertive, you'll enjoy the best of both worlds.
